career

Excuse Me, Miss, Should You Be Here?

It’s hard for me to argue that without controversy, entertainment would be a lot more difficult for us to find. But once a controversy turns personal, the lines are crossed and what was once entertaining turns into a nuisance.

And unfortunately, lines were crossed against Whitney Wolfe, the (former) VP of Marketing for the dating app Tinder. I, at least, think she was effective in her position – Tinder continued to grow and accumulate more members under her wing. But out of nowhere, she was suddenly fired from the company.

Why? Well, if you’re a tech-savvy feminist, don’t ask the former Tinder VP, Justin Mateen. His justification was that having a young female on the Tinder team made the company “look like a joke” and that other social media platforms like Facebook and Snapchat “don’t have girl founders.”

That statement right there is a problem in itself, a reflection of immature thinking on Mr. Mateen’s part. So a female didn’t come up with the concept of Facebook. Not every company has to operate identically to others, even if it’s in the same industry.

Some industries are more male or female-dominated that others. Fashion vs. sports are two of the most talked-about industries for gender favoritism, but in tech, there’s enough room in Silicon Valley for literally any idea. And if there’s enough room to consider all types of apps, websites, gadgets… why isn’t there enough room for women?

It seems that sexism isn’t just saved for back-and-forth messaging and right-and-left swipes, but it just gets worse and worse in office environments and outside everywhere else. Even though women are getting stronger, the argument against workplace sexism is constantly hanging by a loose thread. The funny thing is that it neither falls nor tightens – it just stays constant.

There’s no scientific law that proves men are smarter than women, or vice versa (other than “Girls go to college to get more knowledge, boys go to Jupiter to get more stupider”). Every person is unique and is stronger in some areas than others, which is an affirmation that everyone needs to be reminded of. What one may lack in HTML or CSS proficiency may be made up for in, you know, common sense and the ability to carry out a conversation. And, believe it or not, these are important field skills.

Whether you’re in tech, editorial, medicine, us ladies shouldn’t let anyone put out our flame. And if anyone tries to, keep burning and fire back – that’s what Ms. Wolfe is doing. She’s suing Tinder in a sexism lawsuit and has apparently been ridiculed for a significant portion of her career at the app. Mr. Mateen better hide, and not just from her, but from all of us.

I Am Weak. (And You Are, Too, Honey)

Ben & Jerry’s. The Real Housewives of New Jersey. Tumblr. What do all of these things have in common?

They all strike me and strip me down to the floor. They suck the energy out of me – and I let them do so. Simply put, they are my weaknesses.

Okay, so they aren’t that bad, but they aren’t completely good, either. The good thing is that it’s easy for me to point out what I naturally cling to. However, in a business environment, it’s not as easy of a question to answer.

This past winter, I had an interview for an internship at a website I would’ve given up all three of those weaknesses for; a website that I looked up to, both in personal interest and in the future of my career. I knew this was an interview I had to be prepared for. It was a competitive internship position – paid, even – that many, many kids were on the prowl for.

The conversation was off to a good start. Much like a normal interview, I talked about my interest in the company, the work I was doing at the time, all those typical points. But it took a turn when I was met with the question “What is your biggest weakness?”

Here, I couldn’t say that I bowed down to ice cream and Bravo. But being the prepared young professional I am, I did have an answer rehearsed. Sadly, it was one of my poorer decisions.

I had heard once in a TV show where a character was giving interview advice to someone else (or someone might’ve actually told this to me, but I’m sort of glad I can’t remember now), and something I took out of it was if an interviewer asked for your biggest weakness to give it a positive spin. For example, “I pay too much attention to detail!” “I’m a perfectionist!”

That was exactly what I said in this live questioning and the look on my interviewer’s face was priceless. She smiled and I could see her bounce like she was trying to cover up a chuckle. As soon as I saw that, I felt like choking and tried to justify myself. It wasn’t so bad, but it definitely wasn’t one of my proud moments.

Currently, I’m reading #GIRLBOSS, and NastyGal CEO Sophia Amoruso only confirms what I did was totally stupid. She says that if you give an answer like the ones above (I really just would rather not repeat them), you’re not being completely honest with yourself. It’s almost like you’re trying to disguise an actual problem. “A #GIRLBOSS knows where she excels and where she could use some work,” she explains, “so get to know yourself and your weaknesses.”

Ms. Amoruso hits it right on the nail. After that experience, I really pinned down what my faults were in a business setting. As negative of an activity as it may sound, try to uncover what your problem areas are – and then use that as fuel to improve. The first step to fixing a problem is admitting that you have one. And no, my Ben & Jerry’s addiction is not a problem, as much as my friends, family and Duane Reade cashier may tell me…

Where Am I Going With This?

I have a lot to say. A lot of the time. Lately, though, I haven’t been able to get any words out.

About 95% the reason I named this site “Where Do I Start?” is because, even though I love to tell stories, there can be so much I want to say, that I don’t even know where to begin. Storytelling is one of my favorite pastimes. I want writing to be my career. But the past few days, I haven’t been able to get past picking up the pen or clicking “New Blank Document” on Word.
There are two major challenges that I personally go through as a writer. Perfecting your skills is no easy task for anyone, but some are easier to accomplish than others. One of those is content development.

I haven’t had the experience yet of sitting in on an editorial staff meeting at a publication. But from my understanding from seeing movies, TV shows, eavesdropping in on conversation, the team gathers around in a circle, Duck-Duck-Goose style in a conference room, and pitches story ideas to publish. Some may be interesting, some may get shot down, and some may be written and then, at last minute, may not be printed. And no writer ever wants to be faced with that disappointing dilemma. So how, if it seems like there’s been something written on every subject matter ever, can we come up with fresh content that readers will actually be intrigued by?

I went to a conference hosted by Cosmo and the CFDA a few weeks ago and posed the same question to Editor-in-Chief Joanna Coles, the Man Repeller’s Leandra Medine, and the Style Reporter for the Wall Street Journal, Elizabeth Holmes. It’s a question I’m constantly looking for answers for and I figured this was one of the best ways to get professional feedback, but it was challenging for them to provide a response (half the other audience questions were “how do I get my start in fashion?”). They cocked their heads at each other and after a quick, yet semi-awkward pause, Elizabeth turned to me and said, “There’s a story in everything.”

Elizabeth had a point. Someone can walk by you and you notice the smallest thing – her shoes, for example – and you learn that she bought those shoes at a vintage store which almost closed down, but then got bought out by investors, who then took the store and turned it into a national retail chain. You never know where the next “big thing” could be. Story inspiration is all around us, it’s just a matter of being brave enough to dive into that pool of curiosity.

Once you have the story idea, you then have to actually start writing it. This is my second problem and the basis of the title of my site. Where on Earth do I even start?

Writing up a story doesn’t have a formula like the five-paragraph standardized test essay that we learned in sixth grade. And while most news stories typically follow a 5W format, it doesn’t work for everything, especially not feature pieces.

I have yet to discover the most effective and efficient way to start a story strong in the lead sentence. It’s where the hook is. It grabs readers in and actually encourages them to keep reading, which is so hard to do now. We’re impatient and looking for instant gratification – nobody wants the lead to be buried; we want to know the answer to our questions immediately. But isn’t that the mystery of the story? How do we keep people questioning before they even catch the headline?

I don’t have any secrets to share on writing the perfect masterpiece. I’m still trying to figure out what they are. The truth is, though, there might not be any secret doors to unlock the perfect article or feature. The best words might just fly out of our fingertips naturally and combine into gorgeous sentences. If that’s it, then it’s beautiful. But I don’t know yet. I might not never know. Until then, I’ll let the ellipses do the work…

Ladies First: Elle Woods

Imagine that you’re in bed one night, in the same bed you’ve been sleeping in for what feels like an eternity – your dorm bed, your bed at home – and it’s your pad of comfort. This is the spot your body and your mind know so well and you can drift into dream mode securely. But then, you wake up the next morning, and you’re not in the place you expected to be. Nothing around you is familiar. The people are different. The aura is different. How do you respond? How do you get out of this situation?

This is the spot that Elle Woods, the famed and seemingly blasé about life main character of Legally Blonde, found herself in after her boyfriend, Warner, broke up with her at the moment she expected him to get down on one knee. At that split second, her vision of her future was wiped out, almost as if she had become blind. Her high-pitched and heated reaction could make an objective viewer of this scene roll their eyes and switch the movie off, but you have to give it a chance – that’s only 10 minutes in. 10 minutes later, Elle Woods makes a full 180.

If someone were to ask me who my favorite fictional character was, I wouldn’t say Elle Woods (if I’m being honest, I don’t know who I would say). Elle Woods is not a fictional character. She’s present in all of us. The Elle Woods in each of us wants to be a loyal woman, but we also each want to be a well-respected woman. In Legally Blonde, it may have taken the motivation to win back her ex-boyfriend to do so, but in the end, she achieved this.

I have three favorite scenes from this movie. In the beginning of Elle’s studies at Harvard Law School, when her initial intention was to recapture Warner’s affection, Elle fell to the prank of dressing up for a costume party that never actually was a costume party. She honorably entered the affair and made the most of it, especially when she ran into Warner. But this moment was a turning point for her as a woman. He said to her, “You should do something more valuable with her time.” She stepped out of her hypnotic state, responding, “Am I on glue, or did we not get into the same law school?” Elle immediately stormed out, realizing that she was at Harvard not for Warner, but for her own personal and professional advancement.

The morning after her exit presented one of my favorite film quotes of all time when she visited her manicurist, Paulette, at the nail salon to break the news. From behind, one of Elle’s toughest educational critics, Professor Stromwell, happened to be at the salon and overheard the conversation. What she said to Elle not only stuck with her, but still resonates with me: “If you’re going to let one stupid prick ruin your life, you’re not the girl I thought you were.” Inspired immediately, Elle turned around and ran back to the courthouse to single-handedly win the trial for Brooke.

I get chills (and sometimes cry) every time the Harvard Law graduation scene appears on my TV screen. Elected as the student speaker, Elle quoted Aristotle’s “The law is reason free from passion” and then argued it:

 “I have come to find that passion is a key ingredient to the study and practice of law – and of life. It is with passion, courage of conviction, and strong sense of self that we take our next steps into the world. Remembering that first impressions are not always correct, you must always have faith in people, and most importantly, you must always have faith in yourself.”

After expressing these key lessons, Elle did become one of my role models. Before I had even watched that last scene of the movie, passion, conviction, and sense of self were three qualities that I made sure I presented. If I say something, I say it like I mean it, I know my worth, and I believe if you’re going to do something or some project, you must do it with passion or not at all. It’s all or nothing.